For When Things Don’t Go Your Way
A magnifying glass over a book, emphasizing the words “very tiny.”
A couple years ago, I had to make a big decision and I realized I was struggling to take a sense of agency over my life. I had been going about life resigned to God’s will, believing that I didn’t have choices and things would just go according to His plan. Whatever that was. And now, I was in a situation that relied on me choosing a path, neither of which were immediately desirable options. He knew that part, too.
I had to find comfort knowing God knew which way I would go, He had set the decision before me to make, and He would work out the rest. So I prayed, sought wise counsel (along with some extra therapy sessions), and made the best decision I could. I knew neither choice would be sinful, and that either one would be an opportunity to act with faithfulness to Lord.
Now, we’re facing new big decisions for our family that we didn’t want to have to make. These are the parts of life where it’s hardest to approach God with an open hand. I want to grab hold of whatever control I have a hold on tight. But if I really have an honest look, I realize my hands are empty.
Right now, we wait for the details to reveal themselves before we can make a move. God is here in the waiting, too. And even now he knows what will be.
The control thing is one of those lessons I keep learning. My first pregnancy was a surprise, definitely unplanned as we still had a year of college ahead of us, and then it ended in miscarriage. Both of my kids were terrible sleepers despite my best efforts and pleading prayers, showing me how completely out of my hands even our suffering is. And after a five month stint of borderline homelessness with Garth unemployed, I saw how hard work, intelligence, and good planning is still no guarantee.
Trying to control things left me feeling like a failure any time things didn’t go my way, but then submitting to “God’s will” left me contending for my faith. I felt like God must hate me if He wasn’t covering my basic needs. And so I vacillated between frustration that I couldn’t control all my outcomes and heartache that God may not care about my well-being, essentially blaming Him when things didn’t work out how I hoped.
But God cares for us and His plans will come to completion for us. That doesn’t mean a life free from trials, even of the hardest kind.
We can both leave outcomes to Him, and also relish in our freedom when we get to choose which way to go. He gave you preferences and desires, He knows your heart and your every thought. He knows you are pulled in the direction of your sinful desires—but also, He can help you see yourself better as you trust Him more.
Maybe it really is like the serenity prayer goes:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Having these questions in my head help me as I read the Scripture passages:
What sensations am I feeling in my body? Where am I feeling it?
What emotions are rising to the surface?
What is the context of this passage?
How is this relevant right now?
What does this show me about God?
“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much. 11 So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? 12 And if you have not been trustworthy with someone else’s property, who will give you property of your own?
13 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”
14 The Pharisees, who loved money, heard all this and were sneering at Jesus. 15 He said to them, “You are the ones who justify yourselves in the eyes of others, but God knows your hearts. What people value highly is detestable in God’s sight.”
Luke 16:10-15 (NIV)
Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test? 6 And I trust that you will discover that we have not failed the test. 7 Now we pray to God that you will not do anything wrong—not so that people will see that we have stood the test but so that you will do what is right even though we may seem to have failed. 8 For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth. 9 We are glad whenever we are weak but you are strong; and our prayer is that you may be fully restored. 10 This is why I write these things when I am absent, that when I come I may not have to be harsh in my use of authority—the authority the Lord gave me for building you up, not for tearing you down.
11 Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.
2 Corinthians 13:5-11 (NIV)
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This post is my own content originally written for The Bstro Blog. It has been edited and updated for this blog.
